Just a couple of weeks ago (July 19, 2015), I was lying in the hospital bed, helpless as I endure the severe pain which struck my head. I was hit by typhoid fever. That moment I felt like the world was laughing at me because just for the past few months, I have been to so many exciting places, dined at fancy restaurants, slept in hotels, met interesting people, and I could even afford to crack a good laugh, like laughing out loud. And yet at the time in the hospital, I succumb to the pain I can hardly bear. I was feeling helpless.
And I prayed, like real talk to God. I never have done that kind of prayer for a very long time. I was begging Him to help me because I can’t do it alone anymore. I totally humbled myself to God. I surrendered to Him. Though it might seem to be unfair but I think that what God wants us to do; not to lean on our own understanding but to fully trust Him instead. And definitely He really knows what’s best for us beyond what we can comprehend.
I only stayed in the hospital for 48 hours because I really wanted to get out. And thankfully I only paid P30.00 as excess fee. The meds to take after my hospitalization were not that expensive too. After that incident, I have a clearer understanding of the phrase “slowing down.” It was a great reminder and an eye-opener for me. I was taking life so seriously. I think a lot over things which are actually unnecessary.
Life is so delicate and we humans are so vulnerable to the irregularities of it. I can see it in the male ward where I was confined. There was a man in his 60’s being amputated because of diabetes. The other older man (or probably he just look old because of his sickness) has rotten feet because of diabetes. He was even undergoing dialysis. The other guy of my age is fighting dengue fever and the platelet count has just dropped at 22. And there’s a “lolo” who was rushed in the hospital because of being drunk at the age of 78. He was the most severe one with lungs being infected by bacteria because of drinking liquors and he has diabetes too. We were all men in that room and probably feeling so invincible with the might of our body and of course with our thoughts. But there we were, lying helpless, fighting for our own very lives.
In my two days stay in the hospital, I can totally see the amazing positivity of the Filipinos. The spirit of “bayanihan” was still there as one mother would help other patient rise to enable to urinate. The visiting “forces” of family members and friends did an amazing job in making you feel better. There is an instant connection among yourselves in the room probably because the feeling is mutual – you are all struggling and needed comfort from somebody. And there’s that attitude of making a good laugh despite all the odds. We Filipinos can certainly afford that.
But sometimes, those light moments are short-lived because the bitter reality kicks in. It will start to sink in that you are in a very uncomfortable situation. The pain will just bite your body unpredictably. The odor in the room is very unpleasant, and not to mention that every minute you spend in the hospital there’s an equivalent drop of peso in your piggybank-like bill. So you really want to get out. And that excitement of being free can be best seen in a patient’s face who is going out of the hospital and even to their loved ones who are there for them along the way.
I deeply thank my mother before I left home and go back to work. I kissed her. I visited my father’s grave before heading back to the city and face the real world again. I watched the movie that I really longed to watch alone and I enjoyed very much. I did not rush to get things done but still able to beat the deadline at school. I did not entertain the “stressful thoughts” that are boggling my mind. Instead, I learn to cherish the moment where I am into. In the classroom, I acknowledged more the presence of my students. We even went out watching movies and having karaoke together. I attended the sendoff party of my former student who will be studying in Manila. I finished the book which was long overdue and it gave me sense of accomplishment. I have a better appreciation of a good weather as I go to work every morning.
And that’s life. We just need to bounce back after our fall and we will have another and better view of life when we are on the top again.