Thursday, September 1, 2011

Confession 101: I Became Unbecoming (Part 2 of 4)

Of course, it’s not totally a comfortable life in DCHS. I did not sit in the clouds of glory in that school. Teaching high schoolers is a tough job. You are not going to focus on teaching your subject matter alone but more importantly in molding their personality. You have to influence them to become useful individuals in the society and that is too difficult because you as a teacher has your own limitations. Teachers are expected to be role models. That’s the toughest part of being a teacher. It’s seems that you are not allowed to commit a single mistake.

Virtues in life should be influenced. It’s not as simple as saying “you have to do this and do that” but by showing it to them through your actions. And you cannot simply convince them about your ideals, about what they should do because they have different personalities, different views over things, and different family backgrounds. Each one of them is unique and so must handle them with care.

But as I have said, we teachers too have limitations.

There are instances that I just wonder what did do to them why they treat me that way? Sometimes (or oftentimes?) being bullied. Am I a nonrespectable person? Am I a boring teacher? Or probably I simply suck!

The worst experience happened during the second school year of my stay Davao Christian. When I was about to start my class in Econ and this fourth year guy with a plastic gun in his hand would like to shoot me and shout some funny and insulting words at me which made the whole class burst into laughter. I don’t know how to react at that moment until one student cried in defense of me. (Gwen, thank you much for saving me. I won’t forget that for the rest of my life). It was totally demoralizing but I have to bear with it because I am a teacher and instances like that is part of my job.

Classes sometimes are so rowdy. It seems that they don’t feel the presence of a teacher at all in the classroom. It’s very painful seeing those scattered activity sheets where it took you hours to prepare and longer hours to check. And during quizzes or exams, they will ask you again for another sheet as if nothing happened. The most painful part is when they don’t listen to your discussions and showed some negligence in your subject. Somehow it makes you think that they don’t give a damn with your efforts.

Teachers are teachers. We are supposed to teach, not to entertain. Students often complain a lot about the tasks given to them. Students must do their part also to achieve good results. Learning is like a dance. It takes two to tango. Teachers cannot totally or simply give you good grades. You have to work for it. You have to do your part also as a learner.

In an era where freedom is sometimes misunderstood, it’s a challenge already to instill something what is the norm and what is not. For the first place, you may also wonder what is the basis of that? Of considering an action a norm or not?

During our time, when the teacher will just mention your name because you’re noisy or you did something silly, it feels like you’re face is being splashed by cold water and you want to melt right there because it’s too shameful to be reprimanded in front of the class. You just want to teleport or sublime and be gone in front of the crowd who pity you. But today, things are different. When you scold a student because what he/she did is wrong, he/she will just give you an insulting grin in his/her face. As if they’re telling you “Hei, are you done and can I go back to my business?” I just wish that students should have that sense of responsibility of respecting the person next to them especially their teachers.

It’s not my choice to be born with this annoying black thing in my face (it’s in our genes). And almost everybody would like to make fun out of it. Yeah, it’s not a big deal. It’s not that I’ve gotten numb to it all, I just probably was able to stretch my patience. I can handle it but just like a rubber band, my patience has limitation also. It has been stretched to its maximum level.

Sometimes , I question their sincerity. But I tried to understand that because they are just high schoolers. Part of growing maybe. There was one school year that during our last meeting, I even waved my middle finger in front of them as a sign of my disgust. During my last year in the school, I learn to throw eraser to those students who would not listen. Bring “arnis” sticks to scold those who misbehave. Well, I was just hit rock bottom.

Yeah, I became unbecoming as a teacher so I decided stop and regain some strength and enlightenment. I should set good example so as I have said; I wasn’t able to handle it well. I still wanted to teach but I’m afraid I may influence them in a negative way. I don’t think you would love seeing your teacher being mad everyday, saying foul words just to caught your attention, or even do some physical punishment. I’m afraid I would become like that.

Note: Hindi ako galit. Just airing out what I feel. Don't apologize here. I would appreciate if you are going to show some respect and kindness to whoever your teachers are. I still miss Davao Christian despite all of these.

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